I Turn to Christ

Early on in 2026, in a Parish notice, the Revd Dr Ayla Lepine offered up the opportunity to be Confirmed at St Paul’s Cathedral during the following Easter Vigil. Or if you hadn’t been Baptized yet you were invited to commit to a “double whammy” and take part in both during the same service.

Although I was instantly drawn to the idea, I let it marinate in my brain for a bit. Though I hadn’t previously been baptized, I have always considered myself a Christian and a valid part of the community at St James’s. Was there a need for me to ‘attain’ something to make that true or valid?

On the other hand, I was going through a difficult time following a challenging year, and during this time I had gained a lot of strength and support from my religion. My relationship with God was more important than ever before. So I decided I wanted to actively choose Christianity, and signed up to be one of the candidates for Baptism/Confirmation.

The preparation
There was quite an intensive preparation process involved. We took part in six online classes, which were supported by assigned homework (mostly reading and reflecting). During these meetings we would share our interpretations, thoughts, feelings and experiences with the group. Two topics we often returned to were the concept of needing to be baptized to validly belong, and what saying ‘I turn to Christ’ meant to us.

The day
The day started off pretty special, as my parents had come over from The Netherlands to be able to attend this once-in-a-lifetime moment. We gathered for breakfast at their hotel and talked through the strategic plan of the day.

When I arrived at St Paul’s Cathedral, after being allowed to skip the queue of spectators – which made me feel quite fabulous and important, I can’t lie – I gasped. I instantly felt overwhelmed. There were so many more candidates than I had imagined.

As we all followed the instructions of the ushers and vergers to gather under the dome, I found my seat and most members of our St James’ group. It was so lovely to see everyone in their ‘Sunday best’- what everyone had chosen to wear to represent themselves and celebrate on this special day. It was especially wonderful to finally meet those of our community we’d only met online. Everyone warmly complimented and reassured each other – I found out they were just as nervous as I was.

To my great relief a detailed rehearsal of the service quickly ensued. Whether it is my neurodiversity or my character, I like to know what is going to happen and what is expected of me. A lot was still left to the imagination, but my anxiety was settled. It was reassuring to have two fellow community members who were going for the ‘double whammy’, to be able to check in with each other regarding what we were and were not supposed to say or participate in.

The service started with a magical rendition of ‘Let My People Go’ from the back of the cathedral where the choir was gathered. This was followed by a member of the clergy singing the Exsultet, carrying the massive candle in the process (a high pressure job of which I can’t say I was envious). Bishop Emma spoke to us and shortly after bells were rung, the lights turned on, the organ was struck, and shouts of joy were heard. This was a slightly startling situation which quickly turned into an exhilarating ecstatic experience.

We all grinned at each other and the service smoothly commenced. Following the Gospel reading all the Baptism and/or Confirmation candidates were presented by clergy from their Parishes or schools. There is a very sweet video of each of us, seated neatly in a row, pop up proudly as our names are called out.

After all candidates confirmed their wish to be baptized and confirmed, the big question followed: “Do you turn to Christ?” To which we all, in our own way, for our own reasons, replied: “I turn to Christ.” Then Ayla made the sign of the cross with the Oil of Baptism on the foreheads of Diane, Goli and me. While the choir sang, we all made our way over to the baptismal font. We formed the neat and orderly queue that we’d practiced earlier, and one by one we all took the few steps up to the font and were baptized into the Church by the Bishop of Kensington, Emma Ineson.

When it was my turn, I nervously made my way over and my heel made a screeching sound on the marble step. Which, considering that I nearly fell down the steps at my Masters graduation ceremony only a few months ago, was fitting enough. Up next was the Confirmation, in which we all participated. Once again it was so special to see our small but mighty group make our way to the altar, as “Bless The Lord My Soul” was sung by the choir. There, each of us was called by name, and members of the clergy laid their hands on the candidates heads, asking God to confirm us with his Holy Spirit. We were then anointed with the Oil of Chrism. The rest of the service floated by and I received my first communion after baptism.

All candidates were given a beautiful candle which was lit as a sign of the light of Christ which we had received. After we had all made our way to the west door a deacon sang: “Go in the peace of Christ. Alleluia, alleluia,” and as we thanked God we blew out our candles and made our way to our loved ones.

Dinner
After the service, there was the opportunity to gather at St James’s for a celebratory dinner. And though exhausted – the day had been quite emotional and overwhelming – I was so grateful to have ended this special day here. A big thank you to Debbie and Mary for organizing this delicious meal and giving our group and loved ones the opportunity to connect and debrief together. It was the perfect intimate ending to an incredibly special day.

This was quite literally a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I would like to thank everyone at St Paul’s Cathedral, StJames’s Church and our warm and curious group of candidates – for making it so special.

And, what does ‘I turn to Christ’ mean to you?