Looking Forward and Looking Back

Our departing Head Verger, Chris, reflects on what brought him to St James’s and what it has meant to him over 12 years.

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In just a few short days my amazing, varied and, at times, completely insane journey at St James’s, Piccadilly will come to an end. As this hugely formative period of my life draws to a close, I have had time to reflect on what brought me here and what St James’s means to me as an individual.

In 2013, I was 22 but looked 12! I was a shy and quite awkward person but, with some persuasion, I took a leap of faith and applied for a job as a verger at St James’s, hoping to explore my vocation further and gain a bit of life experience. Since 2005, I had been feeling a sense of calling to ministry but really didn’t know what that meant or how I was going to move forward with that calling. I had been born into the Church, grown up in it and had spent my life surrounded by clergy so, to an extent, I knew what the personal cost of ordained ministry could be and, I’ll be honest, that scared me. But God is persistent; for an entity that can move through locked doors, God spends an awful lot of time knocking! I came up to London to interview and much to my astonishment, I got the job. I mean, really my complete astonishment. I had convinced myself that the interview had gone so badly and that St James’ was a totally overwhelming place to come to, that I initially turned down the job offer. I spoke to Hannah, to my parents and to my sister and, as always, they were the wiser heads that brought me back to earth. They told me that this was an amazing opportunity to experience the inner workings of a busy church, to gain some life experience and, if it was really that bad… I could always quit!  I called Lucy and gratefully accepted. Little did I know what I nearly missed out on.

Twelve and a half years have come and gone since that interview and now I prepare to leave, full to the brim with life experience. A little rougher round the edges, some light scuffing and more lined in the face, though some of this may be related to my children! When I took the verger role on, I told Lucy that my long-term plans were for ordination and that St James’s was a part of that exploration of my calling to ministry. I foolishly thought of it as a stepping stone in the middle of my journey to the other side of the river of discernment. Little did I know that that stone would be a massive island which would be an anchorage in many a storm, a foundation on which to build family, community and the most consistent place in my whole life.

So, what is it that kept me here? St James’s has a spirit that transcends all boundaries and reaches well beyond the church building. It has transformed me, built me up, given me self-confidence and fostered conviction in my faith. It has taught me so much about how to live out my faith as a child of God: unique, imperfect, but loved wholeheartedly. St James’s builds community, and it builds people. I didn’t quite realise how much of that was being done to me as a member of staff too. I thought I was one of the builders but, in reality, I have been one of the bricks: being formed, moulded and used to put together something that can offer welcome and shelter, protection and peace; to build Church. While working here, I have been truly blessed with phenomenal colleagues, but I have to especially acknowledge my incredible verger team. Over the years, all of them have brought their unique skills to the table to help fulfil our role as caretakers and custodians of this historic place: keeping it open and welcoming; maintaining the rhythm of our liturgies and breathing life into our collective faith.

I leave feeling proud that I have been able to play a part in this church’s mission and its history and I go taking with me many of the lessons you have taught me. I hope to use these lessons to inform my training for ordained ministry and, God willing, wherever we end up I hope to build such places and foster such community. An outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.

St James’s isn’t perfect but none of us are. But, like me and like you, St James’s is unique, imperfect and loved wholeheartedly. I and my family will always be grateful for St James’s, Piccadilly and will always return.

Thanks for the memories!