Approaching (re-approaching) Christian faith
It is tricky to say anything helpful about this without risking muddling things. Christianity - following Christ - is not a 'one size fits all'.
The first claim is that when questions of faith stir in the human heart, the Christian tradition suspects that they are stirred by the Holy Spirit. That is, they are a response to the movement of the Spirit in the life of the individual. Therefore, explore them and be open to them.
The second is that waiting has a stature and purpose. Be prepared to not know and to wait, as patiently as your temperament allows.
But also go exploring: explore the tradition - the writings, worship, and the lived experience of a wide variety of Christian people (you will find links and some suggestions here and here).
Find someone who may be able to help and advise - either a one-off conversation or the possibility of their acting as a soul-friend.
Learn, in your relationship to the world, to be thankful. Welcome irony and humour as intimations of the divine heart.
Weep (inwardly or outwardly) with the world’s (and your own) suffering.
Bring both the humour and the lamentation in to your prayer - or rather, come to see them as prayer.
Practice love. And forgiveness and gratitude.
Be prepared to risk everything in order to know the God who, it is claimed, makes all things new.
Forgiveness and gratitude
Below, a depiction by Rembrandt of the famous story from Luke 15. A sublime portrayal of human emotions – the repentant son, thought lost forever, and the father, full of forgiveness. While the son falls to his knees, the father’s knees cannot hold him either and he buckles, dropping his stick in the process.